Dreams
by BMWWfreak
Summary: The Doctor still dreams about her. Even to this day. "She could never stay again. And it burned him inside to even think those words."


**-Dreams-**

Her blonde hair draped over he shoulders. Her eyes glowing beautifully, as usual. She laughed that wonderful laugh with her tongue between her teeth. Yep. That was Rose Tyler for you. In his dreams he was always traveling with his Rose, but he was always his 10th regeneration. They went to Paris, New York (the original one), a very old California, and of course, new and exciting planets even he had never seen before. His dreams always ended happy. With her laughing and them going on yet another adventure. But this time he was ripped out mid-dream by someone tugging at his shirt and hitting his arm.

"Doctor? Doctor! Wake up!"

"Huh? What? Oh..."

Amy stood over him.

"Why were you you screaming?" 

"I, um..." He desperately tried to remember his dream, but it was slipping away. "Well I guess-"

"Nightmare?"

"No," he said immediately. "Not a nightmare." It was never a nightmare when was his Rose was there.

"But you were screaming, 'no, no! Please no! Not again!" Amy said.

He stared at her as he remembered his dream. He had gotten Rose back from the alternate universe, but someone—he didn't know who- had tried to take her away again. It wasn't a dream. It _was_ a nightmare.

"Nope. I was wrong. It was a nightmare," he said, forcing a smile.

She half-smiled and once he reassured her he was just fine, she went back to her room. He turned away from the door she had left half-open and shut his eyes. He turned on the opposite side and tried again. On his back, his stomach... It was official. He couldn't sleep.

He pushed off his thin blanket and sat up, he ran his fingers through his hair and stood, and walked into the hallway. He walked down the long corridor and searched for the door that had one tiny little stamp on the top right corner of it. He searched and searched and finally came across it, and he opened it quietly and slipped into the large room. He switched the light on and sighed unevenly as he saw Rose's belongings just the way she had left them. The bed was unmade, the closet door open, clothes strewn out across the floor. He walked over to the dresser, careful not to step on anything because he had no shoes on, and looked down at the pictures of his two old-selves and Rose. One was when he, his ninth generation, had taken her to a relaxing planet where she insisted on staying forever. In the photograph taken with Rose's camera, Rose was lying in a sun chair, right outside the spa, with her face covered in bright blue goo, and eyes covered with cucumbers. It was taken right before she found out he had taken it.

The next photo was of Rose and his tenth regeneration when they had gone to the beach for a day, and they were both lying on a towel on the sand, and he remembered the way she had forced him to wear swimming trunks, even though the water on that planet was toxic. He would have never changed had it been anyone else asking him, but since it was Rose, and he had to make her happy. She was wearing a bikini, and then he remembered why he was staring at her a lot that day. Neither of them were wearing sunglasses, causing them to both squint as the photo was being taken, but still managing to smile. He recalled Rose asking many locals to take the picture, but they had all denied her. Turns out these locals weren't fond of aliens. But when she finally found someone, she ran back to their blanket where he had been standing before the local got there and said, "She's only got a minute so pose quick!" They had both laid down on their backs on the blanket on the sand, propping themselves up by their elbows. He smiled at the photograph as he saw she had tilted her head slightly towards him in a sweet way he missed more than anything. Well, that wasn't true. He missed her smile the most. Or maybe her laugh. Her hair, maybe? But the truth was he missed _all_ of her. Every single part of her. Not just one, not just two. But every, single, part. And that would never change. Although he had one thought that with a regeneration he wouldn't miss or love her as much, he had been so painstakingly wrong. If anything it was worse. He wasn't Rose's Doctor anymore. He was a new face, a new man. He wasn't the Doctor that had traveled with Rose, Jack Harkness, Mickey, or anyone else. He was fresh. He was a fresh that made him scowl at himself. Nothing eased the pain. Not new companions, not being alone, not even thinking about the good times he had with Rose Tyler. Rose. Beautiful Rose. He remembered calling her that in his dream a couple nights back, and the way she had blushed and giggled. And she had said something like, "You're not so bad yourself."

Not only was she beautiful, she was brilliant. On a list of occasions too long to name had she proved that to him. He wondered if she was happy. If she was truly happy in the alternate universe. He almost wanted to punch himself for not telling her he loved her when he left her the second time. "It doesn't need saying," was all he said. _Idiot!_ Those three words were so hard to say. He couldn't he just tell her? 'I love you.' Is that so hard?

He placed the photo back on the dresser and walked to her closet. He opened up the second door and he saw the colorful scarf she had worn when the Slitheens had attacked, and when he shifted some clothes on the many hangers, the dress she had worn one of the very first times she traveled with him, and with yet more shifting, the fifties outfit she wore to there interesting trip to 1953. He remembered getting so angry at The Wire for taking Rose away from him. But he also remembered the relief he had gotten when she came back to him. When they hugged and he instantly felt that all things were normal again. But when her hands slipped and she fell into the alternate universe, he never had that relief. Except of course when she came back for a short period of time to help with the Daleks and the Darkness, but all along he knew deep inside that she couldn't stay. She could never stay again. And it burned him inside to even think those words.

He heard footsteps outside the room and he quickly walked over to it and slipped out of the one he still loved room, while turning the light off. Amy stood in her pajamas with her arms folded. Not in an angry way, but more in a 'holy cow why is it so cold in this hallway,' way. She smiled and said,

"What're you doing?"

"Oh, just adventuring through the TARDIS," he said, forcing another smile. He was frowning on the inside.

"Are you alright, Doctor?"

"I'm always alright."


End file.
